Monday, October 21, 2013

Marriage - Purposeful Blogging

Week 18: Random facts about your other half
Week 19: Your strengths and weaknesses in your marriage - See more at:
Week 18: Random facts about your other half
Week 19: Your strengths and weaknesses in your marriage - See more at:
Week 18: Random facts about your other half
Week 19: Your strengths and weaknesses in your marriage - See more at:
Week 18: Random facts about your other half
Week 19: Your strengths and weaknesses in your marriage - See more at:
Joining from Mrs. to Mama in Purposeful Blogging.

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Weeek 18: Random Facts about my Other Half
  • He was born the day after his parents anniversary.
  • He met his best friend about 30 years ago.
  • He went to Notre Dame for his undergraduate degree and if you mention his dorm, Flanner Hall, he gets upset because it is no longer a dorm.
  • He likes PBJ and thinks that I am a heaven because I do not like PBJ. He is convinced it is because my parents bought terrible PB when I was growing up (they didn't).
  • He can sleep through anything.
  • He can drive for long distances at night but hates driving those same distances during the daytime.
  • He insists on doing laundry because he thinks I don't do it correctly.
  • He likes computer and video games. I routinely have to hide my computer to prevent him from playing.
  • He is my most uncompromising supporter.
  • He loves me despite my faults and daily failures.
  • He thinks I am beautiful. 

Week 19: Personal Stregnths and Weakness in Marriage
This is a wonderful topic for me to address as I have had two really great opportunities to examine strengths and weaknesses in marriage during the past week.

The first time I touched on this topic was during my termly guest lecture spot during Horn's ethics class. Each term I like to debunk the straight laced appearance he has by discussing his juvenile delinquent days. They enjoy it and I love doing it.

He actually asked me to speak to his class on the topic of marriage and family. We, by no stretch of the imagination are not even close to being experts on this topic. So very far from it but we can talk about communication and differences of opinion.

Horn and I dated for 5 years before becoming engaged. Yep, FIVE years in a society where marriages commonly do not last this long. I didn't have a time limit, there wasn't a put up or leave ultimatium issued. He and I both had issues that we needed to resolve with ourselves (and some with each other) before entering into the sarament of marriage.

As we are both attorneys, we often receive questions about our marital arguments.  Honestly, there aren't many but those that we have usually involve one of us saying, "Let me finish before you cross examine me." I did talk about the need to acknowledge the other person's opinion and feelings even if you disagree with the opinion.

I also talked about the need to talk about topics during the lovey dovey days.  For us, even though we had dated for such a long time, we still haven't shared all our opinions on all subjects.  For instance, just last week Horn found out that I don't like PBJ sandwiches. He is still in shock. What I stressed though, was to make sure that people, as a couple, want to have the relationship go in the same direction. The intent and purpose of marriage needs to be clear for both parties.

This was further reinforced this past weekend when Horn and I attended the wedding of some of his friends (in the spirit of full disclosure, the cousin of his ex-fiancee). The groom's cousin is a Southern Baptist minister and choose Ephesians 5:21-30. The minister did a wonderful job on this tough passage. He stresed how important it is for couples to complete each other and compliment each other. When a man marries a women, they each bring unique traits to marraige that enhance the other.  For Horn and I, this is completely true.

Unlike the other couples at our reception table, the passage selection wasn't offensive to us. It actually provided us a wonderful opportunity to discuss our strength and weaknesses while we had lag time after the ceremony and before the reception.

One of Horn's overriding concerns about me in our marriage is how when I get stressed or after a long day of a toddler only wanting me to touch and hold him, I turn away from him rather than turning towards him. He sees it as me making him my lowest priority rather than he being my first priority in life.

Much to my chagrin, I understand what he is saying. I do do that and I understand how it puts him on the defensive. He is here to be my helpmate. To help me handle the day to day struggles I have just as I am here to help alleviate burdens from him. We cannot do that unless we share our struggles with each other.

Sometimes our struggles aren't pretty.I have to say that I get much more frustrated with him than he does with me. He doesn't have the same stresses as I do. As I explained to him, no one will think poorly of him if our house isn't in order (in order, not neat...that will never be a practical thing) or if Hannabert isn't meeting developmental milestones. Those will always be criticisms of me. Likewise, I don't know how he struggles with the burden of knowing that I make  more than he does and he feels like he isn't able to give me everything he wants me to have.

For us, I think that alot of our stregnths and weaknesses require us to change our perspectives. What I desire from our marriage is to feel safe, loved, and supported. He does that for me each and every day. I don't need gifts. I need to know what when I come home and I am upset, he will soothe me. He needs me to come home and hug him before I get upset over the state of the house or the fact that there are clean clothes that need to be put away and yet they remain, in neatly folded piles on the floor of the rec room.

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